Film Bites: Sharknado 2

Posted by : | August 22, 2014

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Like a royal taster checking your meal for poison, PorcupineSundae is willing to partake first of the most risky cinematic dishes, putting our (social) lives on the line to keep you safe. We’ll watch 5 minutes of a randomly selected movie, and if a small part of us doesn’t die, we’ll give you the thumbs up to dig in.

On the Menu Tonight: Sharknado 2: The Second One

Minutes Ingested: 44:00-49:00

Chew on This:

In these five minutes I saw two construction workers encounter an out of place film reference in a sewer before getting attacked by a giant crocodile who was in turn eaten by a fake shark. Cut to the subway where Steve from Beverly Hills 90210 and desperate-for-work singer Sugar Ray were delivering lines that explained their childhood friendship in a way that eliminated any and all need to naturally or realistically portray any chemistry that actual friends would have. Soon a wave of water with a surfing shark was chasing their train, causing several deaths before the weird writer on 30 Rock hit it with a baseball bat. He died, Jared from Subway made a bad joke and Steve evacuated the passengers so he could go mano a sharko.

[Time up]

Symptoms: Well, I’m still alive, but I don’t feel good. Could be just minor indigestion, could be worse. I realize how the ingredients above may sound to some of you, but I got the distinct impression that the all spice was trying real hard to hide something rotten. The bits of conversation were painful, the setup was the bad kind of unbelievable. Still, it seemed better than the first one.

Verdict: Suspicious… Better fire the chef. Just to be safe.

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  1. Stephanie
    Posted August 29, 2014 at 12:09 pm | Permalink

    I did the unthinkable — like a greedy great white i consumed the whole film! for the record, what you perceived in 5 mins goes for the whole enchilada…

    • Patrick
      Posted August 29, 2014 at 3:14 pm | Permalink

      Alas, my warning reached you too late. The Queen is dead… Long live the Queen!

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