Thor Not a Bore

Posted by : | November 16, 2013

Chris Hemsworth

I’m a DC girl. I’m Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Superman, Batman. I’m complicated heroes with dark pasts. So even thought he’s Marvel, I got Thor. Actually I liked Thor from the minute I first saw that hot tow truck driver in Adventures in Babysitting. Mighty God of Thunder indeeeeeeed. BabysittingThor

Things I noticed to be true in our film are that fight scenes are most interesting with the fewest participants. I found my mind wandering, if you can believe it, during the epic battle scenes of alien nation against nation, but I tuned right back in when a character I cared about dueled with a villain.

Another truism is that you can’t have your foot on the accelerator all the time. I really appreciated the down to earth moments on Earth when the comic relief characters came up to bat. Brava Kat Dennings! She was a total highlight. And the zany streaking professor Stellan Skarsgard (please excuse my lack of circles over vowels) was most excellent amid the grave monologues of the film’s titans.

[Spoilers Will Now Ensue]

Speaking of titans, let’s get into the lack of titanettes. Yes, Natalie Portman is Thor’s lady love, and she is a ‘scientist’ if scientist means running around with what looks like the remote control to a Tonka truck. But through the bulk of the movie, she has this world-crushing alien power flowing through her. Do the writers ever let her run with it and zap the hell out of some villains? Naw, she mostly lies down on the bottom of Viking ships like she’s got the vapors, or stands by while two fellas, neither in possession of any power remotely as strong as what she’s rockin’, battle it out.

But don’t worry! She’s got that remote control! natalie-portman-thor-2

It’s as if the male writers (3 on screenplay, 2 others on story, 3 on original comic book) are afraid of unleashing a woman of unspeakable power. They don’t let her act until her powers are way dialed down to the non-threatening game console thingy that she uses to control some long sticks. Ahhhh yes, she’s on phallus duty!

Who did kick ass fully was Rene Russo. She was Frigga’n awesome! She had a wicked fight scene.

I liked Thor. I thought Chris Hemsworth totally embodied the part and had real presence (unlike Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Dracula bless his not-cursed-enough heart). I thought Tom Hiddleston as Loki was totally diabolical and wonderful. I thought Anthony Hopkins was right up there with Marlon Brando as far as superhero fathers go. It would be great if those two could get a spin-off movie! About a hunting trip gone wackily awry…

I thought the 17 men writing it could have done a better job. The plot was a little hurried, and some basic questions were totally unaddressed. What was the point of using a hologram of Natalie if she was just a few feet away hiding behind a column? What were those electronic tiki torches anyway and how did earthlings make them strong enough to stave off an alien apocalypse? There was so much foreshadowing at Stonehenge, so why was the final battle in Greenwich? rbbb

And why is the sum of the technology of Thor’s people a rainbow bridge, a yellow force field, and a flying hammer? But they rule over the 9 realms. Roy G Biv + 2? Even Rainbow Brite‘s like seriously, dudes? Where’s your flying horse?

[Spoiler Danger Over]

A final point I would like to make is about Chris Hemsworth. So it was his younger brother dating Miley? Okay got it. Also Porcupine and I were talking about the film afterwards and he was making fun of the cheap costumes, and I totally agreed and thought there should be less of them, particularly on Chris Hemsworth. I thoroughly enjoyed a lingering shot of him shirtless. Woa. He can bang my hammer any time…

Rating: 3 out of 6 pack abs!chris-hemsworth-shirtless-beach-thor

Check out what Pat thought about them abs!

 

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  1. Stephanie
    Posted November 19, 2014 at 12:06 pm | Permalink

    Sexiest Man Alive 2014! What’d I tell ya?

  2. Patrick
    Posted November 17, 2013 at 12:49 pm | Permalink

    I should’ve had you explain the plot of the first one to me! I’m sure that would’ve cleared all my confusions up. Yeah.

    I’m still chuckling at that movie though. Totally worth the extra half-point in my rating!

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